The practice was obedience. The result was freedom.

​Being with Edji was like flying in open blue skies. A breath of fresh air, Freedom! Everything unfolded quickly and clearly, by grace.

I treasure and love him. Without him, the delusion may well have continued. Thank you, Baba.

​

The moment I knew

From the moment I saw him, I knew he was the one who would finish me off as a separate bubble. I pleaded with him to accept me as his student. I waited anxiously for his email, terrified that he might turn me away.  On Valentine's Day, his email came.  A brief message with his extraordinary method of self-enquiry. He asked me to report back in a week.

 

I did not fully grasp the practice, but I obeyed. I was in a state of devotion.. The worry of doing it wrong did not arise. Ot was clear: this wasn't about my effort. It was about the guru's grace. It was never about getting it right; it was about his grace. 

​

The transformation begins

 I wanted to report back, but I had been thrown into a depth that could not be described.   After weeks of silent observation,  it dawned on me that I was fast asleep and wide awake at the same time. My headspace felt empty and heavy at the same time. My body felt hollow and barely there.

The phrase "nowt to do" started to resonate, not as a thought but as a living reality. Sometimes I'd feel it in my hollowed-out inner space. Sometimes it echoed outside my body -across the room. 

I finally responded to Edji.  

His reply: ''  You are flying towards the target like an arrow''

His words opened the floodgates of grace

​

The Chase was over

Something felt imminent, inevitable. Even if I were to change my mind about finding Self, it was happening anyway. 

It was out of my hands now. And it felt so good. 

​

The free fall begins

Often, I would sense myself sliding down the inside of a glass dome, nowhere to grip, nothing to hold. But there was no fear. I didn't want to hold onto anything. Guru's presence had destroyed all the hooks, grasps and tricks of the conditioned mind  A freefall was finally happening. And I was ready.

​

 

​The Miracle Of a True Guru. Unravelling in Sleep

After that email, something mysterious began to unfold. The conditioned mind began to unravel in dreams. I slept, and the undoing would happen. This is the miracle of a true guru. 

Each night, I had elaborate dreams that spanned almost the entire night and would reconnect if I woke up for any reason. Guru's grace was felt even in dreams. There was a clear sense of hurtling towards IT even in deep sleep. Grace was working through the subconscious, unwinding karma, dissolving the seeker. Osho, Guruswami, and gurus from my childhood appeared in dreams, smiling and looking pleased. Guru's grace had entered every layer of being.

The dreams were mostly of sliding down a waterfall, flying on a jet plane, or escaping from prison. Once sliding along a long fall and ending up in the cupped hands of Osho. The clear sense that the guru has got me, I am safe.

In another, I was in a  Chinese prison with other women. I don't know exactly how I managed it, but the lady guard seemed pleased with me.  She held a huge key and unlocked the door for me. You are let out when consciousness is pleased with you.  Consciousness frees you from HER prison when SHE feels like it.

 

Outside the Mind's Prison. Maya releases me..

The night before the realisation, I had one of those all-night, immersive dreams. It was bleak, haunting, unlike the lightness that had begun to settle in me, but something was culminating. The setting was a vast, dismal building, part hospital. part prison. Heavy doors, endless corridors. Sick twisted people, depraved doctors. I wandered the corridors, desperate to get out. ''I am not going to get out of here,'' I thought. And then one final passageway. A huge door. I opened the door- it was open.   Shaking inside, I stepped out. Two large reptilian creatures were guarding the place. They were either asleep, intoxicated or too low consciousness to notice me,

I tiptoed past them. Took another step or two, and it was bright sunlight, a tidy town, and people. I had a sense that this is America. It was very bright in comparison to a moment ago, but it felt plastic and somewhat dead.

 INDIA

I walked a few steps, turned a corner, and suddenly-The vibrant, soulful and living energy, 

My heart recognised it instantly. ''India, this is more like it!'' I  spotted a close friend from college. I  said,  ''Come along, I'll show you God''. I woke up as soon as I said that.

​​

Effortless it must be​

A month before dissolving- We were going away for a month's holiday in Europe. My thoughts were clear: This entire month, I'll delve deep within and finally complete this seeking business once and for all. So I packed tens of DVDs. It struck me as odd, but it was happening; I didn't interfere.

​

Eyes Wide Open: Throughout that entire month, something unexpected happened. I did not shut my eyes once. I ogled. I watched films on a loop. I witnessed letting go in action. For years, I had not watched TV, dedicating every spare moment to my search. I watched the let-go happening. I knew the path was coming to an end, as were the practices. There was no more to do.

I still don't shut my eyes for any reason other than to rest them briefly. Eyes wide open!​

​

The Blessed Day:  

It was a sunny morning in December 2010.  Later that day, I glanced at the date on the bottom right corner of my laptop screen.  December 11th. Osho's birthday.  Of course. The blessing revealed itself. 

I don't call it awakening or enlightenment. I call it popping. The bubble of separation burst, and the sense of me dissolved into the whole.

There are no words for it. No language can hold it.

My initial reaction wasn’t bliss or a spiritual high. Instead, it was a plunge into profound numbness, like the background noise of my mind had been turned off. Contrary to what some might expect, there was no euphoria, just a raw, intense rage at the realization that I had spent my entire life searching for something that was always right here. The wrath was intense but passed quickly. Tears came - relief

and then laughter at the absurdity of it, the whole game of seeking and finding.

I don't need to remember IT; IT remembers me. 

 

​

Nothing to cling to, I am never apart from it. 

Naturally, after reaching that state, it became just another experience. Not because it is ordinary, but because it does not need to be held onto. 

 

​Awakenings/Enlightenments are unremarkable from my perspective. 

From my present perspective, experiences of awakening and enlightenment feel quite unremarkable. I know that I wouldn’t be able to find peace, live fully, or embrace death without merging with my true self. If that hadn’t happened, I would still be searching and longing for it. However, now that it is accomplished, it has become a non-essential aspect of life. Life is all there is...one singularity. 

​

Why is that?

I appreciate that this is a post-realisation perspective. Back then, hearing the same truth from my guru did not quench me. Understanding it intellectually brought me no peace. I had to dissolve into it. From this No-Mind perspective, you are that, whether you realize that it is not. From my perspective, the only thing that matters is if you are living beautifully. This insight arrived instantly after realization. Yet, when Osho said the same thing-that living beautifully is all that matters. I remember feeling a sharp resentment that he did not want me to reach that.  That too was part of the burning off. And now it is plain as day. 

So, just living in the moment, moment to moment. here. And that is the biggest deal going.

 

​​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​

​The primary focus of my seeking was always Guru-Bhakti. While Edji initiated me into self-enquiry, it was my devotion to him that accelerated everything. There is no doubt:  Devotion is the easiest and most powerful way out of suffering.

​

No Technique No Tricks

I don't offer you techniques, tricks, mantras, rituals or dos and don'ts. I am a direct energetic response to your deepest longing.  There is no set teaching here. There is only a living intelligence that knows what to say, what to clear and when to strike.  I read your energetic grid - and clear what needs clearing.  It's not personal. It's not me ''doing'' anything.

​

It's Crazy Wisdom. It's Shakti.  She dances when and where she wishes. And she gets results.  I don't get in the way. Shakti picks her timing, strikes and gets results. Her timing is impeccable. I let HER dance as SHE wishes.  Over time, you will learn to trust her movement, too.  You'll master the art of not interfering.

​

​The Power of Contact

I am HOME. My functionality naturally reflects the peace I live in. And as you rub up against this presence, something begins to settle in you. Your mind loses its grip on you. Your energy purifies, your resistance softens and fall away. You start to fall back into your natural state. 

​Our interactions may appear casual, but they are profoundly transformational. 

 Something ignites. A Tsunami of evolution begins.  I love lighting the flame of your true self. I  love watching your pure inborn intelligence come alive. I love seeing you live beautifully. 

​​

I am not the doer in any of this. No one is. It's all a spontaneous Leela - the divine play. 

 

I live my life with as much joy as possible, yet remain pleasantly detached from it all.  I

Real fun begins when the mind is no longer in the driver's seat.  

 

With self-realisation comes a fullness - the smallest of things bring immense delight.

 

I was never one to chase  dreams, and  now there is no one left to entertain them. Life itself is so auspicious that it keeps unfolding in beauty and grace, without any interference on my part. My Students experience this same shift. Something activates. Life begins to ride and flow...just as it should.